Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare



  "Jon Mikl Thor is a bodybuilding champion, actor, songwriter, screenwriter, historian, vocalist and musician." or so his Wikipedia page says, I'm going to question whether or not more than half of those claims are completely true or not. What there is NO question about is that he plays one of the worst/best cheeseball heroes of  1980s Canadian rock and roll based horror films. Prove me wrong, I dare you. 

   This movie is very strange, scenes that shouldn't last more than a moment drag on for what seems like forever, but when it comes down to scenes that actually matter to the development of the story line, they're cut short and confusing, strange use of time management if you ask me, but then again, no one did. The acting is just about what you would expect for a movie that includes demons that more closely resemble muppets than actual hellspawn, bodybuilding/ archangel buttrock front men and dialogue like "Let's see those bosoms ladies, we've got positions to fill around here". But this film is really funny (although I don't no how much of the humor was intentional) and that can go a long way.

   Make-up, there's a ton of it in this film, but not the kind you hope and pray for in most horror films, if you get my drift. Between Jon Mikl Thors sweet eyeliner and the groupies/ band wives there is more foundation and women's make-up products in this one than actual horror face work. But, there are a few good creations, namely the mini "penis demons" as I (and I'm sure many others did as well) dubbed them, and the zombie/demon face prosthetics were pretty great too, despite being way too rigid.

   But all these things aside, the main reason to watch this movie is for the epically horrible ending "fight scene" between Thor or "Tryton the Archangel" at this point and "Ol' Scratch", even if you decide you don't want to see this film, look up the fight scene, it's amazing. They wrestle, Thor sweats, ol' Scratch throws squids at Thor, Thor sweats some more while removing squids from his bulging teats, more wrestling, more sweating and finally Thor/Tryton emerges victorious sending his denizen nemesis to a $11.99 the day after the fourth of July style hell-fiery demise. Pure......genius.

   Ass rock, hard bodies, metal undergarments, the Canadian outdoors, awesome vans and boobs. If you're into ANY of those things, don't miss this film. You will never forgive yourself if you do.

tastelessness 1/10
gore 3/10
must-see-ness 7/10

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